


Is this normal?

by killavampire



Series: Naruto Ramblings [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hearing Voices, I’m projecting so hard, Loss of Control, Mental Health Issues, Multi, not even reread after writing, rin isn’t a major character in it but she’s the best girl, uncontrolled suicide attempt mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28870518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killavampire/pseuds/killavampire
Summary: Things have been more or less out of control for more time than Obito cares to think about. But he finally, against all reason, finally decides to confide his issues with Kakashi.++mind the tags!!++
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin/Uchiha Obito
Series: Naruto Ramblings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2126247
Kudos: 6





	Is this normal?

**Author's Note:**

> Set in Konoha after the Third War, but everyone survived Kannabi. Guess they’re around 17-19 for a bit of visualization!

“Hey, Kakashi?” Obito asked, his voice carried its usual bright and cheery tone, but it seemed paper thin.

“Yeah?”, he responded, turning his head to fully be able to gauge the others facial expressions. 

Obito was visibly biting the inside of his cheek, and despite the attempt to hide it by sinking deeper into the seat and his clothes, his body was wracked wire stiff with tension. The hard swallow lines of his throat as he swallowed, the overly rigid nature of his shoulders that wanted to consume his ears whole, the wringing of his fingers and tight crossing of his ankles. They spelled out anxiety as clear as the nervous wrinkles of his eyes and furrowing eyebrows. 

Letting out a carefully calculated breath, Obito continued. “Do you think I’m, normal?” Obito asked, his voice now matching the tension in his body.

Kakashi was taken aback, of all the things to ask, he wasn’t expecting such a question. Of course he thought Obito was different than just anybody else, they were dating for heaven's sake. It wasn’t just anybody walking down the street that would readily give up their life for you as Obito so nearly did back at Kannabi, nor an average person that could see and experience  
first hand the horrific carnage of war and still help grandmas down the street with a pure, radiant smile. But he had a feeling this wasn’t what Obito was talking about.

“What do you mean by that?” Kakashi asked carefully, leaning into the mesh backing of the seat as he watched the black haired man suck in his breath with a wince before biting his lip again. 

“Like, er. I’m not sure how to put it.” Obito announced in frustration. He pulled up his hands so they pressed grappling fingertips into his upper arms. 

“How about this.”, the man began again with a newfound determination that was still drenched in anxiety like a sponge in water. “Would you still love me if I really wasn’t normal?”, then his eyes squeezed shut tight and his finger around his arms even tighter, as he involuntarily turned his head away from Kakashi's gaze and downwards.

Kakashi didn’t need to think twice, although his concern more than doubled, “Of course,” he spoke softly, reaching out his hand to his boyfriend's shoulder. “There is nothing I can even fathom that would make me stop.”, despite Kakashi's efforts, there were drops of hurt in his voice that spread through his words like ink in water and as his hand held onto Obitos shoulder, he could feel the others entire body tense up even more. Kakashi heart was doing backflips on a cliff-side aching with hurt, confusion and overwhelming concern for his boyfriend.

Slowly, he could feel Obito begin to relax a little under his touch, but the others body never lost its rigid shape. “Kakashi,” Obito said again, his voice sounded lost in a hollow shell as he slowly turned his head to meet his boyfriend's eyes. His voice came out in a whisper as if he were scared his own words were going to shatter, “What if there was something very wrong?”. Obitos usual, strong and warm aura had dissipated into a glass ornament filled with flurries of worry bashing against thin walls. Those black eyes were so stormy, Kakashi could practically feel the violent swing of the ocean tides from them. 

Sitting up from the patio chair, Kakashi took hold of Obito's hand and began to lead the disheveled man inside. “We are going inside to the safety of extra wards and solid walls, ok?”. Obito hummed in agreement.

“And I’m calling Rin back from work, they don’t need the extra hands right now.”. 

“No!” Obito yelped in a panic. 

Kakashi felt his heart freeze, never in his life had he heard Obito not want to be around their girlfriend so much it sent the other into a panic. Kakashi turned around and closed the sliding door before activating the extra wards.

“Why not?” Kakashi asked, keeping his voice as neutral as possible although the didn’t even know which one of his swirling emotions would come across if he didn’t school his voice.

Obito opened his mouth, then closed it, before finally finding his words hidden in the floorboards. “You know I love both you and Rin so much, and equally. More than I can put into words.” Obito seemed lost in his own mind, the words echoing out of whatever chasm he had fallen into. 

Kakashi carefully nodded, “Yes.”.

“Then just trust me for now.” Obito continued, “Rin cannot be here. I’ll explain what’s,” Obito paused as if whatever chasm he had been in disappearing into nothing but empty space. It took a few seconds, but he started up again, “I’ll explain what’s going on, but you have to explain it to her, not me.” 

Kakashi nodded in compliance, before taking them into the bedroom so it was a comfortable place to discuss. It was a strange request, but if it got Obito to share he was going to follow it.

They walked into the bedroom and shut the door, Kakashi once more threw up their extra wards to be safe. It was more of a peace of mind for him than it was for Obito, but the calmer he was, the better he could listen. Kakashi trusted those wards he and Minato decided together. The combination of Kakashi’s paranoia and Minato expertise made it so that Kakashi was actually comfortable letting down his guard between these walls which he was currently extreme grateful for. 

Carefully, Kakashi led Obito so that they could sit against the beds headboard, but Obito froze before either of them could sit down. Kakashi looked at Obito confused. “We’re just gonna sit here, I wanna hear you talk and the bedroom has the most wards.”, Kakashi explained.

“Can we sit on the floor?” Obito asked nervously. Once more a strange request, but Kakashi didn’t mind as he let Obito lead the way. They sat in the corner opposite the door, Obito squeezing himself in between the two walls while Kakashi made himself comfortable across from him while they both sat criss-cross. Kakashi made sure that he didn’t let go of Obito's hand as he gave the other man his full attention. 

Then Obito started, “I hear, voices.”, he said quietly. Kakashi squeezed the others hand supportively, urging him to continue. “Well, they aren’t really just voices. They are more like people instead. Full people that have emotions, wants and personalities. And they tell me things, terrible, terrible things all the time.”. 

Obito fell silent, and Kakashi felt the need to break it. Obito still seemed lost, like he was fighting some battle Kakashi couldn’t see. 

“How long has this been going on?” Kakashi asked. 

Obito seemed to jolt back into reality and Kakashi brushed the others hand with his thumb. Obitos eyebrow furrowed in concentration. “I’m not sure really. I’ve had imaginary friends who weren’t so imaginary as a child, and other voices and the images they show since I made genin. But it wasn’t the people I know now until after Kannabi.” Obito felt silent again, questioning whether he wanted to continue sharing or not.

“It’s ok, go on.” Kakashi urged gently. 

Obito sighed a shaky breath, “They didn’t start having control over me until a few years ago. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you guys sooner.” Obito paused, waiting for the questions on why he didn’t say anything sooner. He anticipated a barrage, but it didn’t come.

Kakashi simply hummed and continued to brush the other man's hand with his thumb. “It’s ok, you are telling me now and I’m just glad I’m getting to hear it. What do they control?”.

Obito took in a breath to steel his own resolve, “They want to control everything.”. The silence punctuated the seriousity. 

“They slowly started to control small things, conditions that had to be met before I could walk down certain streets, places I couldn’t sit. Small things that were too much of an annoyance to fight, so I just compiled. But then it started getting worse, they started taking control of my voice. You’ve probably noticed, I say things that I wouldn’t usually say or that make no sense. I tried to play it off as a joke, I wish it was a joke. Sometimes I think I’m just pranking myself, but it’s not.” 

“I did notice.” Kakashi responded, “But I never questioned if there was more behind it.”. 

Obito let go of his bitten lip and continued, “Yeah, glad it succeeded and didn’t cause any concern. I never wanted to concern anyone, thought I could deal with it by myself. But it’s getting worse.” he voice in a dredging whisper. 

“I’m glad you’re telling me now.” Kakashi reminded him, staying with a constant presence. “Even if you didn’t say anything before.”. Obito flinched at the words before pulling himself quickly back together and continuing. 

“They started to control my body, stupid one off movements. But it did start to get worse and they started to control more.”. Kakashi had noticed that as well Obito slapping his own arm out of nowhere, whistling an unknown tune, having weird facial grimaces while snapping his head to the side and other such occurrences that left him slightly embarrassed and unable to explain his own actions. Perhaps it was Kakashi’s own guilt that stopped him from calling it out. Those actions never interfered with getting the job done, so it would have been hypocritical for him to call out something that appeared so minor. 

“Sometimes I forget who I am,” Obito continued, staring deep into a world beyond the floorboards. “I’m sure you’ve noticed as well I just start laughing at random things, get all jumpy, voice gets all high pitch and I start acting weird.”, he chuckled at his own strange statement before continuing. “It’s not me. It's like someone grabbed control of my brain and I was left strapped to the backseat fighting for control. It’s what I imagine being possessed is like, he even has a name, Tobi.”.

Kakashi took a deep breath processing the information, squeezing the hand linking with his own. He really never questioned what was behind the random outbursts. He only assumed Obito was just doing it to be humorous. Spelt out it seemed much more obvious that it wasn’t a joke, he had written off the fear in Obito's eyes each time after it happened as fear the joke wouldn’t go over well. “That sounds, really hard to deal with.”, Kakashi sympathized, grimacing at his own word choice. Why couldn’t it have been just Rin Obito talked to. He was notoriously terrible with dealing with emotions even if it had improved since he was a child. 

“It is, and even though I thought it couldn’t, it still got worse. The movements began to hurt me, just bruises and such so not too bad. They always threaten me with death if I don’t cooperate.”.

Kakashi sucked in his breath, the words reverberating through his head and resonating through his body.

Somehow even quieter and more broken than before, Obito continued to speak. “Once,”. Obito’s hand clenched tightly around Kakashi’s as the man seemed to shrink even farther into the shadows living in the corner of the room. 

“Once, they really did try to kill me when taking over my body.”.

Kakashi froze, his mouth went dry as he struggled out words through a tightened throat, “Obito.”, he spoke trying to pour in his fear and how his heart had gone ice cold at the statement. If the previous statement rang him like a bell, this one shook him like a gong with crashing waves of perpetually realized fear at the statement. 

The other man only met Kakashi’s eyes at the sound of his name, a terrible guilt spilling out all in waves with all words he couldn’t say fast enough. About how he was sorry, for not being able to say anything. That he knew how serious the statement was. That he knew how much the words hurt, so considered never saying them at all. That he wanted it to be okay, but that wasn’t the reality they could live in.

“This person, who took control, pressed my thumb onto my neck in the perfect spot so that I couldn’t breath at all. I couldn’t yank my hand off my own neck or even move my body. I could only watch through my own eyes as my body acted against me. I watched myself coughing and trying to gasp for air, but the thumb wouldn’t budge. I was able to break free and pulled off my hand, but it was so scary. The reason I haven’t told you after all these years is because their biggest rule is secrecy. That I’m not supposed to tell anybody about this. They said if I did they would kill me.”, he turned to meet his boyfriend's eyes, pleading and desperate as Kakashi pulled himself closer as if he could chase out the terrors of the mind somehow.

Obitos words started off in that same quiet whisper, but slowly gained velocity as desperation took over. “But I don’t want to be under their control anymore, Kakashi. They tell me such terrible things, so many horrible, terrible things; they are telling me now that I’m going to die because I told you Kakashi. And they just, it’s so loud half the time I can hardly think at all, but it feels so good. So good to break their rules that get laid down like law. That’s why Rin couldn’t be here, I didn’t have enough willpower to break the law with two people, and they would be angrier since she was a medical professional. And. It’s just so loud, it’s loud and they yell so many things it hurts.” Obito's eyes were watering now as he stared deep into Kakashi’s eyes. The silver haired man could see Obito breaking with each word he spoke spreading like hairline fractures across his spirit.

Kakashi pulled Obito against his chest holding him as tight as possible as if he could pull Obito out of the hell hole of his mind. He could feel the moment the other man shattered into pieces in his arms, shoulders sagging and hitching as teardrops stained his shirt. He wrapped his arms around the other, trying to hold him in so completely that the horrors of the mind couldn’t reach in and plunk him away. 

Kakashi felt just as helpless as Obito looked, and he hated feeling helpless more than any other emotion.

“Should we lay down on the bed now?” Kakashi asked. Obito nodded into the younger man's shoulder, attempting to get up, Kakashi held him firmly, not letting him get up. 

“Silly crybaby,” Kakashi teased affectionately, “I’m here to help you no matter what.”. Sometimes being a ninja paid off, as Kakashi managed to take Obito up with him as he stood up despite Obitos half hearted protests. 

All Kakashi could do to feel less helpful was hold him close and listen to the nonsensical words that were now pouring out with the tears. They stayed close together far away from the light of the dying sun. Perfectly safe from the danger of the outside, but it’s what can’t be run from that is the most difficult to face. 

Once the tearful fits had quieted down to sniffles, Obito began to speak in coherent sentences again. “Kakashi, they tell me terrible things.”, his voice was hoarse from crying, but he continued. “They tell me that I don’t actually love you and Rin and that I’m just using you guys for my own benefit.” they pulled themselves impossibly closer together. “It hurts so much, because I love you two so much it can’t be fake. I’ll truly break if it’s all fake.”. 

“You’ve never been able to use someone deceptively. That's the only reason Minato-sensei hasn’t put you in ANBU.” Kakashi tried to reason. Rin told him that reason doesn’t work when someone is very emotional, but he didn’t know what else to do. 

“I don’t know Kakashi.”, Obito sniffled. “Sometimes I can’t even remember my own name. Most of the time now I don’t recognize my own reflection and I don’t even have control of my own mind. This is going to be the hardest part to explain.”.

“It’s ok, I’m not leaving.” Kakashi whispered. He could feel Obito’s hot breath against his chest, confirmation that he was still alive and breathing. It’s all he could ask for at that moment.

“The people, er voices all come from an organization. They call themselves the Akatsuki and they want to gain enough power through whatever means possible to put the world under a giant genjutsu, every single person would get to live the perfect life they always wanted. The worst part about it is, most of the time I can’t even argue it’s a bad idea. I can’t even say I wouldn’t want to live in that world. But the sacrifices that would have to be made in order to do it are too high, I could never agree. But you see what I mean, this world is so terrible. So many people are hurt beyond repair, so many innocent people die and so many people aren’t even given a chance just because of the circumstances they were born under. It seems so much better to just dream instead of a world that everyone is happy.”.

They lay together in the silence for a bit longer before continuing. “They told me I’m a spy for the Leaf. Kakashi, you have to understand I could never do this, but they tell me to kill Minato-sensei to continue the plan. And, he’s the father to me I never had, but they just keep telling me to do it over and over and it gets so loud I can’t think at all.”.

Kakashi only held Obito tighter. Whatever the voices were suggesting, killing Minato-sensei wouldn’t only be treason to the village of the highest degree, but treason to everything Obito stood and cared for as well.

“It’s so loud, I just want them to stop.”, he murmured nuzzling his face further into Kakashi’s chest and holding his ears mumbling incoherent words under his breath. 

They stayed together, wrapping each other in their love hidden away from the world and vulnerable in their hearts. Kakashi picked up a familiar chakra signature heading towards them.

“Hey, Obito,” he mumbled, “Rin is coming now. How do you want me to tell her?”. Obito sucked in a nervous breath. 

“All of it, however you are able to. But stay in this room please. I’m breaking their laws, they might try to hurt me when you guys aren’t watching.”. The fear in his voice was palpable even as he closed his eyes screwed tight trying to calm down.

It would be alright. Somehow, even after all those years, he hadn’t fallen yet, and if he could grapple his stubbornness to show its true potential, he would use it right here.

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! You made it through my typo filled, grammar vomit, hellhole! I was 110% projecting while writing this; the central control unit that I like to blame all my issues on has very minimum consequences for confiding my problems under a more anonymous identity, so haha! Take that!! Suck ur rules!!! I wanted to post this because getting to read mental health relating fictional stuff if quite therapeutic for me, so might as well add this to the list! Feel free to comment. Have a good day, stick up for yourself and your friends! :D


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